Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
