You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
