You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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