Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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