even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
