Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
