She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
