I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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