I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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