Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just sucked dick on a ferry
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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