ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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