thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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