you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Are my feet made of real feet?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
