11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
