Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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