He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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