he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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