drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
accomplished twins. life is a go
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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