You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
soo... how was my night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
