You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
