i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
