Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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