Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
