Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
