I skipped work to stalk him.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
