If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
