this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize