do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Panties = found
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
