you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
