Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
