how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm too high and old for this...
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