I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
