I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And then my night got REAL pukey
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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