when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
