I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
