i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
