I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
