YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize