I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
