Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So apparently I’m into choking now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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