someone get that fucking seahorse.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wear drunk well.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
