so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
