he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
