Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
