Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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