next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
