Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
