why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Boobs speak an international language.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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