Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
