ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
splinters make it hard to masturbate
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
