4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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