I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You need Xanax blowdarts
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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