Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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