Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
