You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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