I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
