I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
