Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
