my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
