just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
