Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
