Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
