her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
