We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
