Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize