True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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