I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
