And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
