I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
