oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
