My hand turned me down
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
