There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
