I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
