Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
