i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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