textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
