sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
