I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
