i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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