She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
