Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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