I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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