From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
