Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
