Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
