I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
