she woke up with a sticky ear
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
