Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my shit smells like andre
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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