i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
