i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
this hospital has no fireball
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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