I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize